I'm noticing as winter drags on, more and more people seem crabbier than usual, whether it's on the phone or in a grocery store line ... sort of the way they do in late August when we have all had "enough of the hot" already ... People who are normally friendly seem to have an edge and they're just not themselves.  Even close friends and family seem a little blue and more anxious.

I find myself feeling the blahs myself so I am not pointing fingers at anyone without acknowledging my own place in the "enough already with the gray days" boat.  When our energy is low and we're feeling bored and blah, it's easy to be a little touchier than usual.  I know it with my head, but I really have to work on my own attitude and the way I react or overreact to others.  Maybe, you have to work on your attitude too?  Maybe, you are one of those who just let 'er rip, thinking that if you feel bad, everyone else may as well feel bad too?  We all react differently to gray, blah days.  Some find and spread a little sunshine.  Some round up the clouds and make a little rain.  Depending on the day and the circumstances, I have been capable of spreading sunshine or spreading rain.  Today, I'm choosing to find some sunshine!

The past few days, I have talked to a LOT of rainmakers ... and I felt myself getting pulled into their thunderclouds.  It took real effort not to give back what they were dishing out!

Today, I got an email from the Daily OM that described EXACTLY what I'd been feeling ... Maybe, it will speak to you too? 


Choosing Not To Be A Target

Hurtful confrontations often leave us feeling drained and confused. When someone attacks us emotionally, we may wonder what we did to rouse their anger, and we take their actions personally. We may ask ourselves what we could have done to compel them to behave or speak that way toward us. It's important to remember that there are no real targets in an emotional attack and that it is usually a way for the attacker to redirect their uncomfortable feelings away from themselves. When people are overcome by strong emotions, like hurt or anguish, they may see themselves as victims and lash out at others as a means of protection or to make themselves feel better. You may be able to shield yourself from an emotional attack by not taking the behavior personally. First, however, it is good to cultivate a state of detachment that can provide you with some protection from the person who is attacking you. This will allow you to feel compassion for this person and remember that their behavior isn't as much about you as it is about their need to vent their emotions.

If you have difficulty remaining unaffected by someone's behavior, take a moment to breathe deeply and remind yourself that you didn't do anything wrong, and you aren't responsible for people's feelings. If you can see that this person is indirectly expressing a need to you-whether they are reaching out for help or wanting to be heard-you may be able to diffuse the attack by getting them to talk about what is really bothering them.

You cannot control other people's emotions, but you can control your own. If you sense yourself responding to their negativity, try not to let yourself. Keep your heart open to them, and they may let go of their defensiveness and yield to your compassion and openness.


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The Daily OM isn't everybody's cup of tea but more times than not, it speaks to me, reminds me of what I need to be doing or just affirms what I am already committed to do ... on gray days, when I am surrounded by LOTS of thunderclouds and fog, I'll take sunshine wherever I find it and try to share it with you too!

I remember ... only a few years ago ... thankfully, it seems like a whole lifetime ago ... I spent whole days wondering what the heck happened?  I felt like my chest was going to cave in or explode!  I wasn't sure which but I was sure it was going to happen any second!  I felt utterly lost.  It's shocking to start this journey.  I guess it has to be.  I don't know how other people get their wake-up call but I am sure, just like me, they'll know it when they see it.  Once we see it, we have to do something with it.  It's hard to focus on just one thing when we feel like we have to go in a hundred different directions at once!  Sometimes, all the things I thought I had to do were just too much and I'd just go back to bed, and hope things would be better after I slept on it!  I couldn't make sense of anything.  Not only did I not have any answers, I wasn't even sure what the questions were!  The props had been knocked out from under me. 

There were two books helped me find my footing.  Maybe, they will help you too?  Here are some of the thoughts and ideas that comforted me (but there are so many more in the book).  I just wanted to share a taste of something good!

 

FINDING COMFORT IN YOUR OWN SKIN
Reclaiming Your Authentic Self    By Jen El  

Once you begin to take charge of your life, it will take on a force that will intensify your actions to bring you home ... home to a place you may have never been before.  Your questions are always answered when you listen, and follow your heart.  

Since there is only one now, WE MAY AS WELL FORGIVE OURSELVES FOR PAST MISTAKES.  We must learn from our lessons, and start having fun.  Begin to have fun right now.  There really is only NOW.  Surrendering to this moment allows us to live in the present.  That's when everything starts to make sense and fall into place ... Life doesn't need to be hard.  Living in the NOW means living each minute as if it's my last, and feeling great and comfortable while doing so.   

It's okay to surrender to where you are, and at the same time ... take action now to remedy your tomorrow.  If you want to change your future, you must consciously choose to let go of suffering, anguish and bitterness ... It's good to be thankful for all the suffering we've experienced in the past, for it has brought our consciousness to a place of desiring to search for a better tomorrow.   

Having no expectations is part of living life in the moment.  Having no expectations usually just makes life more enjoyable for you and everyone around you because it's hard to be disappointed when you expect nothing.  

Whenever I feel nervous, tense, sensitive, upset, defeated, agitated, angry, worried, or have low energy, I better know to walk away and breath deeply.  Try it!  It brings a sense of balance, and feeling centered.  Breathing stimulates you to the core, and helps you reach the depths of your soul!  It can bring a sense of CALM like you have never experienced before.  

We can run but we cannot hide from our issues.  Until we grant ourselves the favor to stop, experience, face issues and forgive all involved, including (and especially) ourselves from getting into certain situations, then nothing will ever be healed or resolved.  

If faith and fear really can't live in the same place at the same time, and we choose FAITH, which means to trust or believe.  

NEGATIVE COMMENTS can create anticipation, panic, desperation, depression, apprehension, extreme agitation, and fear.  

POSITIVE COMMENTS can create an unstoppable, self-sufficient, self reliant, independent, competent, confident, well-adjusted human being.

• Greatness means to be who you are!
• Know that this is your life to live as you choose!
• Dare to be GREAT!
• Set realistic goals, yet always reach for the sky!
• It's okay to make mistakes.
• Resentment and blame stops the flow of creativity!
• Inspire people to greatness!
• It's what I think about myself that counts, so "nominate your self"!
• We have great roots and heritage since our father is God!
• Get over the limited thinking of yourself and others!
• Listen to your heart more often.
• THINK a plan through.
• WRITE IT DOWN and be specific.
• DRAW A ROADMAP of where and how you want your life to go.
• DO THE WORK.  DON'T BE LAZY with yourself.
• WRITE DOWN YOUR SHORT TERM GOALS first ... What do you need to do first?
• WRITE THE WAY YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO LOOK next year, in three years, in five years, and even ten years.
• THE KEY IS TO START LIVING NOW, AS IF EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE!  I've never heard of anyone who regretted living his or her dreams!  

There's always a price in life for getting what you want.  It's simply a matter of what you are willing to give up in order to get what you want!  What are you willing to give up ... television, sleep, a job, a meal, a relationship that's not working?  YOU GET TO CALL ALL THE SHOTS IN YOUR LIFE.  Only you can make the final decisions that will change the outcome of your life story.  

Trying to force things into place is exhausting.  It's all a mystery to me.  What matters is the journey.  Enjoy the journey, because your constructing your reality into existence as you go ... Everything one does in life inevitably leads to where you are destined to be, especially if you pay attention.  Getting around in life is surprisingly easy once you stop coming up with reasons and excuses why you can't do something!  When you give up your excuses, you'll have the results you want!  

If something doesn't feel right ... then it probably isn't!  If you get a tremendous "YES" with passion oozing from your heart, and get joy-bumps of happiness, then for goodness sake, especially your own ... just do it!  It will not only benefit you, it will benefit everyone else as well!  

WARNING: NEVER LET ANYONE INTIMIDATE YOU AGAIN! 
If someone tries to intimidate you, it simply means that they are trying to make you wrong or bully you because they feel inadequate!  Never give your power away!  Your heart and soul and spirit are yours.

There could be various reasons why something didn't turn out to be or feel right for you, but it doesn't matter why.  By paying attention to our needs, wants and desires, we will "stop putting our life on hold!"  There's nothing else to do except just be and have fun.  Begin filling your daily schedule with things that enrich you, rather than exhaust you ... Go ahead ... give yourself "permission" to go for it and have it all!  Everything you do matters!  

Forgive yourself and others if necessary for miscalculating along the way, and / or wasting precious time and MOVE ON!  Turn the lemon into lemonade!  If we are fortunate, we realize everything we do is never waste of time or a mistake, but rather a learning experience which takes us onward and upward, gradually proceeding toward our next dream, goal, or vision enjoyably toward the next base.  

What looks like ERRORS along the way will all fit into place sooner or later!  We know there are no accidents in life, and everything happens for a reason.   

So trust in the universe, and listen.  You'll always be lead to the place you're supposed to be next.  The perfect people will always show up, who will lead you at least one step closer to your dreams, and goals.  Once you learn a lesson, there is no way to erase the knowledge.  Allowing yourself the freedom of exploring the deepest levels of your character and personality, is a gift.  

If you're not happy in your current situation, then you're wasting your life and your time here on earth.  It's time you know and recognize that you're just too good for nonsense.  Relationships can be notorious for all kinds of abuse, whether it's physical, mental or verbal.  There's no reason to allow abusive behavior EVER!  If your significant other is not your best friend, you might want to ask yourself ... why not?  Best friends bring out the best in each other ... not the worst! 

If you're in a relationship and your mate is physically, mentally, or verbally abusive, get some help immediately.  If you've both gone through counseling and the abuse is continued ... get out now while you're still alive ... Abusers are FOOLS, and that makes you not only a victim, but a FOOL as well, if you stay in that kind of relationship.  Get out now while you're still alive!  

Sometimes, we don't always have the "happy ending" we had hoped for, but that's okay, because there are no mistakes in life, and sometimes we need to move on from certain situations.  Remember ... we are a "work in progress!"  

Make sure you choose a mate who is already KIND, has high morals and integrity, and knows the difference between right and wrong ... Make sure any person you enter into a relationship with is worth your time and energy.  If not, why are you with them?  You should be able to do just about anything with your life partner.  I want to know that I can ask my mate for assistance with anything and he'll be there for me.  

There are too many good people in the world to hang out with the foolish ones!  

We always know when it's time to move on.  Once you have finally gotten the courage to walk away, the ABUSIVE PARTNER usually wants you back.  This is because they had the opportunity to finally miss you and appreciate WHAT THEY "HAD", and see the errors of their ways.  Or, it's a matter of losing "control" over you and they want it back.  But it's frequently too late because the damage has been done.   

It's very unfortunate that most people never realize what they had until they have lost it.  

• Move on ... You owe it to yourself now!
• Do what you love.
• Get out of your own way.
• Put your needs first.
• Put a smile back on your face.
• Don't look to others to put it there for you.
• Take responsibility for your health, appearance and the well being of your body.
• Love who you see when you look in the mirror before inviting others into your world.
• Know that you are already whole and complete.
• Be grateful for what you already have.
• Know that taking care of you is not selfish.

HOW TO SURVIVE THE LOSS OF A LOVE
by Melba Colgrove, Ph.D., Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D. and Peter McWilliams

I have turned to this book every time I've lost someone or something important to me.  It's a little hard to find these days, but you can still order it from Amazon or Barnes & Noble.  It was first published in 1976, but as you know, loss and surviving loss are timeless topics.  This book takes you gently through the loss, surviving, healing and growth in thoughts and poems.  The poems are my favorite.  They articulate the moments better than I can describe them myself in the twist of a word and the turn of a phrase, words like:


Come to stay or stay away.

I have to remember don't fall (in love again) until you see the whites of their lies.

A new morning of a new life without you, so? There will be others, much finer, much mine-er ...

The need you grew still remains, but less and less you seem the way to fill that need.  I am.

In being loved I am filled full.  In loving I am fulfilled.

I cannot keep my smiles in single file.


See? Aren't they wonderful?  The book deals with the practical steps involved in traveling through grief and recovery, but near the end of the book is a series of affirmations.  You can put them on your bathroom mirror, the first thing you read in the morning, and the last thing you see at night.  They are good things to tell yourself!

I am worthy.

I am worthy of my life and all the good that is in it.

I am worthy of a degree of happiness that could only be referred to as "sinful" in less enlightened times.

I am worthy of creativity, sensitivity and appreciation.

I am worthy of peace of mind, peace on earth, peace in the valley, and a piece of the action!

I am worthy of God's presence in my life.

I am worthy of love.