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    8月31日

    T. G. I. Friday !!!


    Good Stuff!

    Did you know the human body is a machine that is full of wonder?
     
    This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were ...


    • Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
    • The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest
      is the male sperm.
    • You use 200 muscles to take one step.
    • The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
    • Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
    • A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.
    • A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
    • The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
    • The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the
      Encyclopedia Britannica.
    • It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your
      stomach.
    • The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
    • Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of
      the liver than men with hair.
    • At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single
      cell.
    • There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
    • Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon
      of water to a boil.
    • The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
    • Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
    • When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do
      the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
    • Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.
    • Your thumb is the same length of your nose.
      (Now I KNOW you are placing your thumb on your NOSE, aren't you?)
    Okay,  I'm going to go exercise 200 muscles by going for a walk and when I get back, I'm going to wash the one trillion bacteria off my feet because of the 250,000 sweat glands and then I am going to measure my thumb against my nose in the mirror!   LOLOL ... I am wondering WHERE do they get this stuff?!!!
     

    JUST FOR FUN ...
     


    Only Great Minds Can Read This ...
    Or So They Say At
    Cambridge University ...

              

    Can you read this?

    fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs?
    Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
    i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
    The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid,
    aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
    it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are,
    the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
    The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm.
    Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
    but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
    yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!


    Being curious, I am wondering ...

    Could you read it?

              


    Just getting warmed up for a LONG weekend!
    Hope you all have a SAFE holiday!



     
    13:43 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Entertainment
    8月30日

    When Spirits Grow Wings


     
    Recovery is a roller coaster ride.
     
    I can remember being hurt and afraid and totally out of control which was probably the scariest part.  I didn't feel like I was in control of that time and it was perfectly clear that I had never been in control of anything else either, even when I thought I had been.  I felt like the brakes weren't working, I was picking up speed and going downhill fast!  It was scary!
     
    It wasn't a leap of faith in the beginning.  It was like being pushed off a high cliff.  BUT it wasn't a literal fall.  It was a spiritual fall ... and our spirits live under different rules ... Our spirits are more resilient than we know.  Our spirits can bounce.  Our spirits can even fly!

    No matter what an abuser does to our body ... No matter what games he play with our minds - even if he makes us feel as crazy as he is ...  No matter how he breaks our hearts ... NOTHING he did can destroy our Spirit.  Nothing.

    Our spirit is attached to the divine.  Our spirit is breathed into us when we are born and it stays with us through life.  It belongs to us.  It is the very thing that helped us survive.  It is the quiet voice that talked us through whatever he dished out. 

    It is the idea that comes to us in the middle of a runaway life and a free fall heart ... the idea that there just has to be something better.

    If you have been abused or are being abused, you know exactly what I am describing ... you have had moments when you were rushing down the same slope and it was all you could do to hold on, free falling in the dark ...

    You know my fear because you have felt it too. 
     
    Survive.  Listen to your spirit.  There is more to life then that roller coaster ride.  You don't have to feel that kind of fear over and over again.  There is a way out.  You spirit already knows the way! 
     




    Emerging from the shadows
    Like a butterfly
    Leaving the dark cocoon
    to discover a new world
    Full of flight and brightly colored flowers
    Answered prayers
    And
    Realized Dreams

     
    Did the butterfly know
    That all that time in the dark ...
    They were growing wings?
    Did you know
    That all the time you were in the dark ...
    Your spirit was growing wings too?

     
    Life did not end for us
    When we were hurt.
    That's when our new lives began!
    That's where we found
    A deeper hope,
    A stronger faith,
    And a kinder way to lead a more
    Compassionate life.

     
    The pretty little butterfly
    Has a message for us all ...
    Don't be afraid of the dark
    When the dark comes.
    That's the place
    Where
    Spirits grow wings.



      



     
    13:48 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Health and wellness
    8月29日

    Gathering Myself




    I was moving some books when a note fell to the floor ... Over the past few years, I have "found" old letters and notes ... tucked in a book or a folder where I left them.  I thought I had burned all those cards and letters.  I take their appearance as an opportunity for me to look back at where I was and gain even more perspective.  Most of the time, they just confirm that I have been on this road longer than I thought ... 

    This was a note I had written to Aydan early in the relationship and way before he threatened me with a gun:



    Hello Aydan,

    This is important to me, and if it matters to me, it should matter to you.

    You called me a WHORE once and I told you that it hurt.  You apologized, and the next time you needed a "handy weapon" in an argument, you pulled out that word again.  When I told you again that it hurt me, your only comment was to say, "Good, if it woke you up!"  It was a mistake for you to ever call me that in the first place, but everyone can make mistakes.  It was intentional the second time.  You knew it would hurt.  You did it anyway, and when confronted, you showed NO REMORSE!

    I'm mad at you!

    Your refusal to acknowledge you hurt me only means you'll hurt me again, if you think I needed another "wake-up" call!

    My wake-up call is ... no matter what I like about you, you're still a JERK!  You called it honesty!  The only problem with that kind of "honesty" is I didn't grow up communicating that way and it hurts me deeply.

    I'm not a whore.  I'm better than that.  AND I can do better than you!

    So yeah ... you woke me up!  You reminded me that no one has a good excuse to be bad ... that I came looking for someone who could care about me and express himself ... You expressed yourself, but I don't like the way you CHOSE to express yourself with me!

    I'm not a whore.  I'm better than that.  AND I can do better than you!

    I'm sticking up for myself, because if I don't, who will?

     
    I'm not a whore.  I'm better than that. 
    AND I can do better than you!




    When I started writing here, I thought all I had to do was tell people what I did and how I did it and they would follow me out of the dark ... That wasn't very realistic.  It ignores my own truth ...
    • I was reading and had access to good information when I was being abused or I would not have found this note in that book.
    • I seemed to have had my head on straight about some things.
    • In spite of good information and a pretty good head on my shoulders, I decided to stay in an abusive relationship for almost two more years.
    I was angry with myself for not seeing the truth sooner, but apparently I did see the truth and I chose to stay anyway!  I did what I did.  I knew Aydan would, or at least could, hurt me again and I stayed anyway!  I never trusted him and I stayed anyway!  I didn't introduce him to many people because I was always afraid he'd be a JERK!  He had already proven it to me.  I stayed anyway!  

    I forgave myself for staying.  I forgave Aydan for being a JERK. 
    I ACCEPTED that everything that happened ... happened for a reason. 

    The truth alone wasn't enough to keep me away.  There had been warning signs.  I ignored them.  Things NEVER got better ... They only got worse and worse until it was time to GET AWAY!

    I did get away!  All that good information finally left my head and took root in my heart where it became the foundation of my recovery!

    I have a friend who took antibiotics BEFORE a surgery so that her healing would be faster and more complete.  All the things I have read before and during the "amputation of Aydan from my life" worked like antibiotics in my healing!  Even in the midst of all that chaos, there were some things already in place ...       

    That note fell out of a book by Dr. Phil, who said:


    FACT: Everyone of us, you included, has within us everything we will ever need to be, do, and have anything and everything we will ever want and need.

    FACT: Your authentic self is there, it has always been there,     and it is fully accessible to you.  You are not the exception to this fact.  There are no exceptions.

    FACT: The self that now runs your life didn't just happen. 

    FACT: Your fictional self is the source of wrong identity and wrong information.

    FACT: Your life is not a dress rehearsal.

                   (the facts are from SELF MATTERS by Dr. Phillip C. McGraw)


    I wrote that letter in response to something Aydan had done years ago.  But, I tucked it into a book I was reading at the time ... only to find it years later in the same book ... where it illustrated EXACTLY that everyone of us already has everything we need.  How many times have I said during recovery, "If I don't stick up for myself, who will?"  It almost makes me laugh to think that Aydan was actually the first person I said that to!  I may not have been in touch with my authentic self all the time, but I see shades of her in that letter!  Instead of being angry that I didn't do this or didn't do that, I am thankful that my authentic self has always been here ...


    FACT: Your authentic self is there, it has always been there, and it is fully accessible to you.  You are not the exception to this fact.  There are no exceptions.



     
    12:31 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Health and wellness
    8月28日

    Finding Healing In Lost Journal


     


    Last week, I wrote about a sad chapter in my life.  I'd like to tell you "the rest of the story" because my story got better!

    I don't remember much of the first few months after the gun.  I hid.  I stayed with friends, slept in recliners and sofas, even bathtubs, so I wouldn't have to go home because I was terrified that Aydan would come there.  When I try to remember that month, it is always a blur.  I hid.  I remember HURTING all over.  My muscles stayed tight and sore.  I felt sick at my stomach.  I didn't sleep and when I did sleep, I had nightmares.  I hid.  I was afraid to even go to the grocery store.  Public places scared me.  Loud noises freaked me out.  I locked and re-locked the doors and windows.  I'd go for walks in the middle of the night when everyone else was asleep and I cried.  I cried a lot.

    It felt like I spent a lot of time talking to law enforcement and lawyers.  I hated being called a victim.  I had no problem answering their questions.  It was my own questions that I couldn't answer.
     
    I had started seeing a therapist and he suggested I write a journal.  

    Last weekend, I found that first journal ... As I read through the entries back then, I smiled, thinking about the women who have written me and said, "I am happy for you but I am not as strong as you.  I will never be able to get to where you are."  If they could have only seen me when I wrote this ... lol ... I felt exactly the same way they did.

    Back then, I couldn't have told you how I got where or I did or what I needed to do to stay safe, because I lived most days, one day at a time. 

    Maybe, if I talk about what I felt back then, it might make it easier for you to talk about what you are feeling too?  Maybe, if you read about some of the things I felt, it will help you understand your sister, daughter, neighbor, friend who is in the middle of that dark place? 




    I am understanding things a little more.  I need to let go of Aydan for good this time.  Holding unto him, or even the idea of him, hurts.  This isn't love.  This hasn't been love in a long time.  Maybe, this never was?  I can't do anything about the past.  It's over.  There is nothing to work on.  I need to work on the only thing I can do anything about ... me!




    I read a book today that talked about pleasers.  It said,

    "Pleasers let people run over them, rarely stand up for themselves, have a low self-esteem and are a sucker for the misunderstood controllers that will play them like a Stradivarius.  He will know what buttons to push and how to manipulate their emotions ... They let other people run their life, and whenever anything goes wrong, they readily take the blame even when it is not their fault.  They can't bear to disappoint anyone which makes them miserable."

    It is weird to see my whole life defined in one easy paragraph, and weirder still to know that other people have felt the same way that I do or there wouldn't be a book about it!




    I have been reading about co-dependency.  I can see that I have been co-dependent ... in my thinking and my choices.  Maybe, I don't just need to recover from this one bad relationship?  Maybe, I have to recover from a whole lifetime of bad choices ... because they all brought me to this place?




    Today, I worked on a list of things I will not do:
    • I will not automatically say yes to every request.  I will take time to decide if it's something I really want to do.
    • I will not respond to flattery or criticism.  I will recognize that either is more about the other person than it is about me.
    • I will not waste anymore time seeking approval from other people.  I have to be who I am because there is only one me.
    • I will not waste anymore time trying to help/fix/change other people.  They have to walk their own road and learn their own lessons. 
    • I will not engage in rescuing "lost souls", but encourage them to be the heroes in their own lives.
    • I will not give in to guilt trips from myself or anyone else!
    • I will not be afraid to confront exploitative behaviors against me or my loved ones.
    • I will not stop learning from the people I meet, the things I do or the places I go.  Everything can be an opportunity to learn something new. 
    • I will not try to run away from my own pain by engaging in addictive behaviors.  There is no pill, no drink, no magic cure.  I can feel pain and be okay. 
    • I will not give up.



    I wrote a poem ...




    Today was a good day.
    I made myself think of something else
    every time I thought of him.

    I thought I saw him on the street.

    My heart beat fast with fear
    and then, my heart sank a little
    when I realized it wasn't him.

    It will NEVER     be him again!

    I loved him more after he left
    Than I ever loved him
    When he was here!
     
    I missed him today,
    But not as much as yesterday
    and
    Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
     
    Maybe,
    another strategy,
    another coping skill,
    another way to take care of me?
     
    Because ... Thank God ...
    It will NEVER be him again. 




    I wrote another poem ...




    I'm missing
    a man
    that never existed
     
    a man
    that he never was

    a man
    I imagined him to be

    He was
    like a child's imaginary friend
    BUT
    I am not a child

    and

    It's time to put away
    childish things.

     
     

    I have spent too much time feeling guilty about the way I left things with Aydan.  I always took "great pride" in leaving people better that when I found them.
    HELLO !!! 
    Aydan broken every heart he ever held, and then, found a way to blame it on the ones he hurt.
    He doesn't expect anyone to care about him ... before, during or after the relationship because he knows who he really is!




    I read a book, OBSESSIVE LOVE - WHEN IT HURTS TOO MUCH TO LET GO by Susan Forward, PhD. 
    She described the cycle:
    The more the woman reproaches herself,     the less confidence she has.
    The less confidence she has, the more powerless she feels.
    The more powerless she feels, the more passive she becomes.
    The more passive she becomes, the more she tolerates inappropriate behavior.
    The more she tolerates inappropriate behavior, the more she reproaches herself ...
    (and it starts all over again)




    A coping skill that will work:
    If I want to get over a heart breaking relationship, with as much speed and as little pain as possible, I need to do this - Every time he comes into my thoughts, I will pray as sincerely as I can for his highest good.  Amen.
    God will take care of the rest.




    Love is a good thing.  Good love involves exchanging respect, affection, time and support with someone special.  It feels good.  When rough spots develop, the two parties work them through.

    The harsh truth is that there are those among us who don't love.  And when they pretend to, at our expense, it's painful to the rest of us.  They pretend to love because they know we'll love them back and they like the way it feels when we adore them and struggle to make a relationship with them work.  It makes them feel special.

    One day, we look up and realize we're the ones putting in all the respect, affection, time and support while they take it as well-deserved worship and hold out their hands for more.

    In rough spots, good people look toward the goal of working it out and growing in understanding.  People like Aydan would rather dump the relationship and start fresh with someone else (who he will eventually dump too).

    Women only exist for men like that to reassure him that he's as perfect as he wants to be.  If a woman finds something imperfect and says so, then she isn't doing her "job" and she may need to be replaced by someone a little weaker and a little more troubled because healthy women defend themselves and he would hate that!

    Women can expect punishment, threats of abandonment, accusations and contempt because that is what he does.  My experience was to expect ...
    • wild chaos
    • mind games
    • increasing demands 
    • conflicts
    • unpredictable moods
    • punishment
    • emotional abuse 
    • insults
    • devaluation
    • blaming
    • excuses 
    • criticism
    • sadistic put downs
    • rage
    • obscenity
    • name calling
    • cliche insults
    • selfish behavior
    • temper tantrums
    • childish reactions 
    • cold indifference
    • physical abuse
    ... and every one of those behaviors are the "products of a disordered personality"!




    He always said he was "just being honest",
    but honesty isn't a virtue if it's cruel. 
    It's just cruelty.




    Every time he criticized me ... Every time he called me a name ...
    he was screaming his own truth at the top of his lungs. 
    Every single thing he said about me turned out to be true about him!




    I am disconnected from him.
    I don't want to talk to Aydan.
    I don't want to see him.
    I wouldn't dare go anywhere near his house!  He still has guns!
    I want to stay disconnected. 
    I think it will be interesting to wait and see what Aydan will do.
    I will learn a great deal about what kind of a man he really is by what he chooses to do on his own.
    I like being disconnected.




    No matter what Aydan does or what he says,
    I will choose DIGNITY.
    He never knew how classy I can be but he is about to find out.




    The gun was a mistake.
    Aydan's actions since then have been
    weak and fearful
    unintelligent
    unkind
    unwilling to learn from his mistakes
    prideful
    vengeful
    harsh and hateful

    My reactions had to be different.
    When he lost control,
    I was forced to act calm.
    When he challenged and threatened me,
    I was forced to stand up for what I believe in even if it cost me my life.
    From that moment, I have ...
    searched for answers
    looked for meaning in what happened
    mourned
    took responsibility for my part in what happened
    forgave him and myself
    held him accountable for his bad behavior
    grew stronger
    out grew him




    People either will love me or they won't.
    It doesn't matter how much I value them
    if they don't value me too.
    No matter what I said or did,
    nothing was ever good enough.
    It wasn't then.  It wouldn't be now.  It never will be.
    Accept it.
    Forgive it.
    Let it go.
    Move on.

    Someone wants me just the way I am ...
    or
    They will need the woman I am becoming.
    I will keep learning.
    I will keep growing.
    All of this has happened for a reason.
    God is using the good and the bad to bring me
    exactly to where He needs me to be.




    Today ... 
    I firmly place the future of this situation in the hands of the
    One who was always in control anyway. 
    Thank you Lord, for your continued protection and guidance. 
    Thank you for surrounding me with peace until I am calm enough to feel it. 
    Thank you for healing the hurt and pain that laid so heavily on my heart.
    Thank you for the things you are teaching me each and every day.
    Thank you for loving me and teaching me to love me too.
    Amen.
     
     



    I am glad my story didn't end.  I am glad that I woke up to myself and the world around me.  I am grateful for the lessons I learned and the path I have walked since then.  I am not the same woman I was.  I am better! 

    I did have a few advantages.  I never lived with Aydan.  I was not financially dependent on him.  He didn't have any influence on my friends or family.  He couldn't threaten my children, although he tried to control me in all those ways.

    Every woman has different things to consider. 

    I know one woman whose husband took the phone with him to work and disabled her car so that she could not leave the house during the day.  She was literally a prisoner.  Planning her escape was like planning a jail break!  But she did break "out of jail" and she found more strength every time she did something on her own.  She said she didn't know where she got the strength or how she even thought of some of the things she thought of, but she did!

    I know another woman who had NO MONEY.  She told me that she literally saved a dollar here and a dollar there until she had enough money to get away and start a new life.  I wish I could have photographed her face as she told me her story.  Her eyes sparkled when she described finding hope.  Her face was the face of courage and peace.

    My biggest hurdle was that I didn't want other people to know, but since I had no control over other people finding out, I decided to be completely open about what happened to me.  I spoke to my friends and family first.  Do you know what happened?!!!  Most of them had thought something was wrong and they were relieved to know the truth.  They were supportive and caring.  They never thought I was nearly as perfect as I thought I had to be!  They took care of me, which was a new thing for me.  I always thought it was MY JOB to take care of everybody else!  Being vulnerable with the people that I love and who love me gave them permission to be vulnerable with me too!  I had some of the neatest conversations of my life with people I thought I already knew.  It turns out that not only had I not known myself, but I had no idea how wonderful my friends and family are!

    I love hearing stories about survivors.  Each one of us is a celebration of life!  We are miracles.  We are our own happy endings.  We are our own heroes.

    You can be your own hero too!


     
    23:39 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Health and wellness
    8月24日

    Taking A Moment To Give Thanks

     
    My healing and recovery started four years ago today!  And I do feel like celebrating!!!  In some ways, four years doesn't sound like a long time at all. For me, it feels like a lifetime has been earned!


    When I talk about abusers and victims, it is mostly from my own experience, the books I have read and the work I have done.  This week, I found an old journal while looking for something else.  I started reading and realized, one more time, how much my thinking and my life has changed.

    As I read through the entries back then, I smiled, thinking about the women who have written me and said, "I am happy for you but I am not as strong as you.  I will never be able to get to where you are."  If they could have only seen me when I wrote this ... lol ... I felt exactly the same way they did!  Even though victims experience a LOT of the same things, it was four years ago for me, and of course, I will sound strong ... NOW.

    I thought it might be helpful to share some of that time ... I won't share everything.  Some days, I could barely write one sentence that made any sense.  It is taking me some time to type out those entries but I will.  Maybe, if I talk about what I felt back then, it might make it easier for others to talk about their feelings too?  Hope so.

    While I'm doing that ... please allow me a few moments to feel thankful ...
    Sometimes it's good to look at where we have been so we can see how far we have come!

    I remember ...

    • Wondering what happened
    • Feeling hurt and confused
    • Blaming myself 
    • Walking on eggshells 
    • Feeling nervous most of the time
    • Making excuses for his bad moods
    • Justifying his bad behavior 
    • Appetite Loss 
    • Not being able to sleep 
    • Feeling afraid
    • Pretending nothing was wrong
    • Feeling Isolated 
    • Feeling embarrassed 
    • Being afraid to tell anyone
    • Not thinking anyone would understand 
    • Worrying about what people would think
    • Thinking no one would understand
    • Feeling trapped 

    I remember ...

    Do any of those things sound familiar to you?

    Any similarity between my story and someone else's is actually one of the strange coincidences about abusers ... abusers seem to call us the same names ... treat us all in the same way ... play the same dirty tricks ... I think they are similar because, when each of them thinks of the worst thing they can do, they all scoop from the bottom of the same barrel. 

    I served my time in hell.  I fought my way out.  I did the work.  I SURVIVED!  I got past the abuse by moving forward ... through the dark to the other side. 

    I was blessed to have the support of really good people that believed in me.  One of the most supportive people then and now was Joey.  He never let me give up.  Choosing to walk with someone through such a dark place is a story in itself.  I am mentioning it now because neither of us would want anyone to think that Joey was the man who abused me!  When I decided to make my story public to reach more people, Joey and I talked about things that were important to us.  We agreed that what we both have learned could help other people who are still out there.  

    I know you are out there.  I know you are scared.  I know you don't know what to do.  I know he tells you that you are no good.  He blames you ... saying that everything is all your fault.  I know that he keeps everything so confusing that sometimes you don't know which way is up.  I know it feels like being lost in the dark.

    I don't have all the answers.  I'm just one woman ... who found a way out of that dark place.  I don't care what other people think!  I know some people won't understand.  I know some people don't want to believe abuse happens because they are still in denial ... Maybe, they were abused?  Maybe, they are abusing someone else?  Maybe, they have turned their back on a sister or a friend because the abuse was just too hard to watch?  How people react isn't always about me or you. 

    I remember, in the beginning, I just wanted someone to hear me.

    I hear you.  I believe you.

    I'm sending help in the only way I know how.  I'm sending you the words that helped me heal.  I'm sending you the wisdom of people much smarter than me.  I'm not judging you or telling you what to do.  I'm sending you love and prayers and encouragement.  I want you to know ...  

    There is a way out!

    It doesn't matter how you got here.  It doesn't matter what your abuser says!  He is WRONG!  You are a good person.  You have a big heart and so much to give. You don't deserve the abuse!  It's not your fault!  Sweetie, it never was!  

    We'll talk about how you can stop the abuse in your life and get your life back ... Until then, no     matter what ...  

    Take Care Of YOU!

     
    9:26 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Health and wellness
    8月23日

    My Final Escape




    In the past four years, I have read a lot of books that recommended a safety plan or an organized means of escape.  I do think it's good to have a plan, but sometimes, when your choice is to live or not live, there is nothing to do ... but RUN BABY RUN !!!


    I drove out of Aydan's driveway so fast, I almost wrecked the car when I turned unto the main road.  I was crying so hard, I almost overshot the first stop sign and swerved off the road twice.

    I kept going ... I was absolutely terrified.  I was afraid Aydan might follow me so I drove as fast as I could away from his house.  About 10 minutes down the road, my cell phone rang.  I nearly jumped out of my skin! 

    I flipped the phone open and saw it was him.  I hesitated ... and realized if he was on the phone from his house, he couldn't follow me, so I took the call. I was crying so hard, I couldn't talk, and my ear was still ringing so I couldn't make sense out of anything he said. 

    I took another turn too wide and skidded on the gravel shoulder.  My driving was all over the place!  I thought about my kids and the thought of them gave me a little bit of strength.  I needed to get it together.  I snapped the phone closed, tossed it on the passenger seat and put both hands on the wheel.      I needed to concentrate on the road.  I had driven this road a hundred times or more ... nothing new ... calm down ... I'm going to be okay ... calm down ... breath ... 

    The phone rang again when I was on the Interstate.  I took the call.  It was Aydan again.  I listened to him and I cried.  I said, "I'm sorry I even came over there today.  I was worried about you.  I wanted to find some peace for both of us, but obviously, that isn't ever going to happen!" 

    He said, "I want you.  I want us to get through this.  I know I have too much anger.  It scares me too.  I need to get my head together.  I love you, Taylor ..." 

    I had been crying through most of the conversation, but him saying he loved me after what had just happened made no sense.  The idea of it pushed me back from the edge and I said, "Aydan, people don't hold guns on people they LOVE." 

    The sentence hung there for a moment, suspended between the two of us.  It lasted only a few seconds, but I knew my heart had turned a corner.  I knew I would never go back and I knew my life depended on it.  

    Aydan broke the silence, "I'm sorry, Taylor.  I'm sorry I hurt you.  You didn't deserve any of that.  I didn't mean any of those things.  They weren't true ..." 

    It didn't matter what Aydan said.  His actions had already said it all.  I ended the conversation somewhere near my house.  I drove up to my house, parked there, and realized I was a "sitting duck" if Aydan decided to come over.  I started the car back up and drove around my neighborhood for hours, listening to music and replaying the night in my mind.  I wondered what would happen to me?  I wondered what I was supposed to do next?  At 3 or 4 in the morning, I was too tired to worry about much of anything anymore.  I drove by my house 3-4 times to make sure that no one was there and when I was pretty sure no one was, I drove up the driveway, parked the car, and let myself in the house.  I disarmed and armed the alarm system.  I was home.  I undressed in the dark.  I just wanted to go to bed and pull the covers over my head.  I'd worry about what to do tomorrow ... 



    The next morning, I had an e-mail from Aydan:

    "Nothing is right.  I am not happy.  You are not happy.  We both are too busy defying each other to appreciate each other.  I want things done without having to ask, and you do too.  I no longer trust you.  I no longer believe you.  I am sorry.  I can't see you this way.  Things that needed to happen didn't, and the things that shouldn't have happened did.  I am sorry.  It's all my fault.  Love, Aydan"

    Later that day, I called an old friend of mine with the sheriff's office.  I told Sgt. B what had happened and asked him what I should do?  What could I do to make myself safe?  He encouraged me to report Aydan. 

    I said, "That will just make him more angry!"  

    Sgt. B said, "Well, maybe so, but he might get more angry anyway and law enforcement can't protect you if they don't know what's going on.  Why didn't you go to the county last night?"  

    "I was too scared.  This is embarrassing.  What will people think?  This kind of thing isn't supposed to happen to people like me!  I volunteer with victims.  I should be smarter than this.  I don't think I could stand to talk to some know-it-all rookie, fresh out of the academy, lecturing me about life!"

    Sgt. B said, "Taylor, don't be so hard on yourself.  You would be surprised who this happens to.  It's more common than you think.  Just because you have worked around people who have been abused doesn't mean you are immune to being abused too.  It's wrong for anyone to threaten anybody with a gun.  That's why it's against the law!  WHO YOU ARE and what you do is even more reason to stand up for yourself.  You stand up for other victims.  Stand up for you.  We need you, Taylor, and we need to keep you safe ..."  Sgt. B was being so kind and I knew he was telling me the truth.  I did have to stick up for myself, no matter how embarrassing it was.  Sgt. B knew me well enough to know I agreed with him.  "Let me see who's at the desk and I'll call you back." 

    I hung up the phone and held the phone in my lap, looking at it like it was supposed to tell me what to do.  If I reported this, everyone in town would know.  Embarrassing.  I sure wish there was another way.  The phone rang.  It was Sgt.  B.  "I talked to Jensen.  Jensen is a good guy.  I told him you were a good friend of mine and asked him to take care of you.  Take a girlfriend with you if it helps, but go in, okay?" 

    "Okay ... Let me make some calls.  I'll go in."

    I called a couple of friends.  I would stay with a friend that night.  I called another girlfriend to go with me to the station.  I packed some clothes ... some toiletries ... How hard could it be?  I couldn't do even the simplest task!  I must have packed and repacked 3 or 4 times ... I loaded the car, got my dog and headed out to a friend's, thinking that Aydan would be getting off work soon and I needed to be somewhere else before he got off work.  

    I met my friend at the police station.  I had been there a lot of times with other victims, but that was the first time as a victim.  It was different from the victim's side ... I filed the initial report.  They took pictures. 

    Jensen went out to Aydan's house himself.  Aydan was arrested and charged with assault and battery of a high and aggravated nature.  Jensen called me after the arrest to tell me that Aydan had been arrested, "We took him to the jail a little bit ago.  You did the right thing.  When I asked him if he had any idea why you were so scared, Aydan said, 'Well, I probably scared her when I waved that loaded gun around.  I'm going to speak to the judge before I leave and make sure that he knows the whole story.  Don't worry.  We'll take care of you."  



    I smiled.  Sgt. B had said Jensen was a good guy.  Jensen didn't have to call me and he didn't have to stay and talk to the judge, but Sgt. B had asked him to take care of me.  I felt relieved.  I went to sleep.  When they gave Aydan his one free phone call, he called my house! 

    The message on the machine was:      "Hey, I'm at the jailhouse ... it's um ... (directions) ... and I'm going to need some help getting out ... so ... Maybe I can contribute something to charity later if you get me out?  I appreciate it.  It's three in the morning ... uh ... I'll be processed within the hour (long pause) This is my only phone call.  Thank you."

    Did he really think the person who had him arrested would come and bail him out?  Does that make any sense?  It didn't to me, but apparently, lots of women report their boyfriends, husbands or partners and a few hours later, they are exactly the same ones to go pick them up ... not me!  I didn't want Aydan to go to jail, but I was too afraid to go anywhere near him.    



    Aydan was ordered not to talk to me, AS IF a court order would stop him from doing what he wanted to do!  He had two of his friends call me. 

    They told me Aydan was beside himself with grief ... that he wanted all of this to be over so he and I could get married! 

    What a lie!  I asked them WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 

    Give me a break.  A week before, Aydan had said he hated me and wished I was dead and now, he's telling his boss and his friends that he thought I was "the one" and he wanted us to "work everything out"?!!!  I've had some bizarre proposals and propositions before, but that one took the cake! 

    I told them there wasn't anything I could do about a felony charge between the state and Aydan, and even if there was something I could do, I'm not sure I would.  I told them I wasn't the first woman Aydan had abused, but maybe, this would cause him to get some help and I might be the last?

    I didn't pay too much attention to what any of his friends said.  I didn't give too many details to my friends.  It was hard to talk about. 

    It was hard to wrap my brain around the idea of anyone pointing a gun at anyone else, especially someone they knew and claimed to love!  I had grown up with guns my whole life.  The first rule was to NEVER even point a gun at someone else.  I called my Dad and asked him what would happen if someone shot a watermelon (my head) from 8 feet with a shotgun?  Of course, I hadn't told Dad the whole story so he would have no way of knowing how much it scared me when he said, "What watermelon?" 

    I kept asking myself over and over again ... WHY?

     

    THE BIG WHY???

    Why did he think he needed a gun?
    Is he hurting too?  Is he sorry?  Does it matter?
    Would it change anything?
      

    THE ANSWER

    What we are meant to know
    will be revealed to us
    without any effort on our part.
    We will know what we need to know
    when it's the right time,
    when we are strong enough
    and usually
    when the answer can't hurt us anymore.

     

    Now, I know that Aydan went to get the gun because nothing else he did was getting my attention.  He was losing control over me and that IS a crime punishable by death, in his mind.  He considered me HIS property.  How dare I abandon him!  Who did I think I was? 

    In fact, shades of those feelings show in HIS description of that night.  He glosses over screaming at me, hitting me, holding the gun to my throat and threatening my life by saying that "he came into the room and handed me the gun and told me to shoot him or leave.  I chose to leave!"  What a JOKE!

    Does Aydan know that what he did was wrong?       Yes.

    Will he ever admit it to anyone else?       No.

    Was he ever going to kill himself?   No.  He loves HIMSELF too much. 

    Is he sorry?       NO.  He probably still thinks he sure showed me!

    Did he "just lose control"?   NO.  He never let go of the gun once, and was in control enough to caution me that I could accidentally fire the gun and shoot a neighbor. 

    Did he black out, as his friend suggested?   NO.  At no time did he lose consciousness. 

    Were his actions calculated and planned?   MAYBE.  I didn't think so, but I read something much later that has caused me to wonder:

    Typically, the abuser makes a choice about his/her violence before the incident ... choosing the place and time, deciding what fight to pick, how and which part of the body to hit.
     
    Could that be true?   Maybe.  Aydan had threatened "to shoot me if I ever ... (pick something ... it changed daily) ..." way before he walked in the room with the gun.  I never took it seriously.  Only a week before, he had described the way he would like to kill Joey, down to the gun he'd use and where he'd park.  Who could be serious about a thing like that?  At least, that's what I told myself back then.  Since then, I have learned that Aydan has threatened other women with guns before ...

    Maybe, he was more calculating than I thought?

    I don't think I will ever know the whole truth about that night.  After all this time, it doesn't really matter.  Maybe, the answer is just ... Snakes strike.  Mean dogs bite.  Abusers abuse.

    Aydan is what he is.  He never understood what the big deal was?  But ...

    A game of cat and mouse
    is much different
    for the cat than it is for the mouse!

    I learned something that most policemen, lawyers and judges already know.  Abusers and most other criminals never think they did anything wrong!  Let me give you an example:  If you have been abused ... Did you ever call 911 when things got too crazy?  Did you ever notice how calm he got as soon as the police got there? 

    Did you notice that no matter how bad it was, it only took him seconds to recover and blame the whole thing on you?

    Aydan did blame everything on me ... and lack of sleep ... and drinking too much ... and any other excuse that popped into his head.  No one, even his closest friends, believed him.  Behind his back, they told me he was a hothead, a coward, a nut.  My friends agreed.  They were all right.

    It wasn't my fault!

    If you are being abused, it's not your fault either.  I know he tells you that no one will believe you, but that's not true.  Everyone already knows the TRUTH.


    (to be continued)

     
    22:19 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Health and wellness
    8月22日

    The Gift Of Survivorship




    66% of all people
    KILLED
    by an intimate
    partner are
    SHOT by a GUN.
     
    I said yesterday that there are some endings, so horrible, that they change us.  They change the way we live the rest of our lives and they change the way we look at the world and everyone in it.

    I used to think I was bullet proof, that nothing bad could ever happen to ME.  I learned that in my darkest hour, God heard my prayer.  When my life became an answered prayer, I committed the rest of my time to reaching more victims, to plant seeds of hope, to loan them courage until they find their own strength. 

    I didn't learn how to survive in a book or a classroom.  I fought my way out of that place, and along the way, I met other survivors.  Collectively, survivors have blazed a trail big enough for others to follow.  

    Survivors aren't afraid to stand up and say publicly that we were abused, or that abuse is real and it is still happening.  Talking about it ... shedding     light on why and how it happens ... only makes it easier for other victims to come forward.  Increased public awareness has lead to more reports, more arrests, more convictions and stiffer penalties.  Most abusers only change their behavior when they are faced with the possibility of punishment or public censure.

    I have told my story to hundreds ... maybe, even thousands of women by now ... always in the hope that they will see or hear something ... and follow my lead by GETTING AWAY from the abuse, whatever that might mean for them.

    I was mortified at being chased out of someone's life like a stray cat or dog.  I was embarrassed to tell anyone that someone like me had ended up with someone like him!  It was very humbling to admit I had made such a bad decision and such a poor choice. 

    Everyone else in my life saw the truth long before I did, but it doesn't really matter anymore.  I am grateful that I saw the truth before the lies killed me!


    REALITIES ABOUT ABUSERS  (the TRUTH)
    • He is controlling.
    • He feels entitled.
    • He twists things into their opposites.
    • He disrespects his partner and considers himself superior to her.
    • He confuses love and abuse.
    • He is manipulative.
    • He strives to have a good public image.
    • He feels justified.
    • Abusers deny and minimize their abuse.
    • Abusers are possessive.

    Look at that list!     
     
    Not exactly material for a personal ad or a profile on the Internet, and yet, abusers do describe those traits, disguised as something else, of course.  Abusers speak their own kind of code.  Here is how an abuser would describe those traits in a personal ad or an on-line profile:
    controlling = he would say he is confident and in charge.
           Your girlfriend would say, "What is he in charge of?"

    entitled = he would say he is looking forward to living the life he deserves in a personal ad.  Another phrase I have seen on profiles is, "looking for a good woman who will finally make me happy."  Aydan told me once that he was surprised that his friend gave his motorcycle to his father instead of Aydan. 
           Your girlfriend would say, "What has stopped him from living
           that life before now? 
           No other woman has ever made him happy and you are going
           to try?  Good luck with that! 
           Why would anyone give him a 10,000-dollar motorcycle?"
     
    twists things to their opposites = he would call himself an original thinker, a maverick, or even a genius.
            Your girlfriend would say, "Why are you listening to this guy?"
     
    disrespects partner and considers himself superior = he would see himself as having to teach, mentor or advise.  He would refer to himself as a prodigy, a scholar, an expert, or again, a genius.  He will be the hero in every story he tells you.  He will describe his exes as idiots, liars, cheaters, bitches or even whores, and when you are his ex, you will be those things too.
            Your girlfriend would say, "How could he ALWAYS be right
            and everyone else ALWAYS be wrong?"
     
    confuses love and abuse = he wouldn't ever express confusion about anything openly but he will say "I love you" and anything else he thinks you want to hear way too soon.
            Your girlfriend would say, "He said what?"
     
    manipulative = he won't name his best card.  He'll just play it.  If he thinks you will respond to him being an under dog, he will be an under dog.  If he thinks you are looking for adventure, he'll be the bad boy.  If he thinks you are looking for an intelligent man, he will talk about books he's read, and things he has studied.  If he is talking to you on the Internet, he can Google anything and sound very smart.  If he thinks you are into travel, he will talk about all the places he'd like to take you.  Girlfriend, here's your reality.  YOU will be the one that ends up paying for his cure, his motorcycle, his next adventure, books, studies and travel and you will think it is YOUR idea!  Manipulation is his BEST card.
            Hopefully, your girlfriend will freeze your bank account
            and cut up all your credit cards cause you are about to be
            taken for a ride!
     
    strives to have a good public image = he will brag about things he has done "for the good of all mankind out of the generosity of his heart".
            Your girlfriend will say, "He said what?" 

    feels justified = NO MATTER WHAT he has ever done, good or bad, he will have a good reason for why he did it, even when his reason is FANTASTICALLY RIDICULOUS.  He really believes you are too dumb to know the difference anyway.
            Your girlfriend will say, "He said what?" 
      
    deny and minimize abuse = he will describe his previous relationships as liars (just in case you meet them and they tell you the truth about the "tiger in your tank").  He will make it sound like he was the one who was abused and mistreated. 
    Aydan hit me and then said he didn't hit me ... that I turned into his fist!  Aydan shoved me down to the floor once and then tried to pass it off as a self-defense class!  He told me once that another girlfriend had run over him with her car.  Later, she told me that he jumped unto the hood of her car, trying to stop her from leaving.  I believe her because he did the same thing to me.  If he isn't friends with even one of his exes, there's probably a very good reason those women won't speak to him.
            At this point, your girlfriend is planning your intervention
            and wondering what you see in that Loser?
     
    possessive = this is easy for me to spot now, but I never noticed it when he referred to everything as HIS.  He called the drummer in the band: HIS drummer in HIS band.  He referred to everything like it was HIS property, because that is how he sees it ... and whether you know it or not, you are HIS property too.
            This is where you need to introduce him to every guy friend
            you have.  Guys see right through other guys. 
            Listen to your friends!
     
    As many times as I talk about this, I know there will be women who say:

    "Sure, things get out of hand once in a while but ..."
    ... It's my fault.
    ... I talked back to him.
    ... I shouldn't have provoked him.
    ... I burned supper.
    ... I was late getting supper.
    ... I forgot to pick up his suit at the dry cleaners.
    ... I forgot to mail the check.
    ... I bothered him at work.
    ... He hates his job.
    ... He is starting a new business.
    ... He's under a lot of pressure at school, at work, at church,
        with his family ... and as soon as that's over, he'll be fine.
    ... He hasn't been feeling well.
    ... He's trying to quit smoking.
    ... He's on a diet and it makes him crabby.
    ... His medication is messing with him.
    ... He hasn't been sleeping very well.
    ... He had a bad childhood.
    ... His last relationship was really bad and he is having a hard
        time trusting again.
    ... I love him.
    ... He needs me.
    ... You don't understand him.
    ... You don't know what he's been through.
    ... You don't know him like I know him.
    ... He isn't like that ALL the time.
    ... What would I do without him?

    I could say a great big loud ...
    "OH REALLY?"
    ... but it wouldn't change one thing about where that woman is right now.  I have been there.  I didn't want to give up.  I wasn't a quitter ... until one day ... the abuse went TOO FAR.


    Some women will say, "Sure, my guy has a temper but he would NEVER ..."
    ... hit me
    ... hit me in the face
    ... push or shove me
    ... force me to have sex with him against my will
    ... rape me or threaten to rape me
    ... get me pregnant so I won't leave
    ... beat me with a weapon or threaten to beat me with a weapon
    ... cut me or threaten to cut me
    ... burn me or threaten to burn me
    ... break one of my bones or threaten to break one of my bones
    ... shoot me or threaten to shoot me
    ... kill me or threaten to kill me

    I could say a great big loud ...
    "Not Yet, But He Will!"
    ... because abuse doesn't just go away.  It gets worse.  And even though most victims know it will happen again, women go back to their abusers an average of six times because they ...
    ... don't think it's all that bad and they can handle it.
    ... think it might be their fault too.
    ... feel guilty about leaving him.
    ... don't think they can do any better.
    ... think it is what a wife or girlfriend is supposed to do, whether
        they are "standing by their man" or they have strong religious
        beliefs or a strong sense of family and trying to make things
        work.
    ... want their children to have a father.  (They have probably not 
        seen how the abuse effects their children yet.)
    ... have no where else to go or they don't think they do.
    ... are financially dependant on their husband or boyfriend.
    ... believe their situation is hopeless.  The longer they stay
        in the abuse, the harder it is to leave.
    ... may seem weak, but we must always remember that they
        were strong enough to survive, to prevent themselves from
        being killed or seriously injured many, many times.


    We can only hope that they (or you) continue to be strong enough to survive until they (or you) are strong enough to say, "NO MORE". 


     
    11:12 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Health and wellness
    8月21日

    Some Endings Are Beginnings







    Four years ago, on this very week,
    the worst relationship of my whole life ended ...
    This is what happened on the last day ...


    When Aydan's "other tricks" to control me quit working, he started to talk about suicide.  I had already wondered if a relationship with Aydan was worth all the trouble?  It wasn't fun being around someone who was always in a bad mood and always complaining about something ... boring work, stupid friends, demanding family, loud neighbors, dirty house, crummy truck, chronic aches and pains and me ... No wonder he was miserable and no wonder he wanted to commit suicide!  He hated everything about his life.  

    Nothing Aydan had been saying was making any sense.  One minute he'd be telling me he loved me and he wanted us to work things out and the next, he was saying he hated me and he wished I was dead ... It got to where I would call him to "check his mood" before I'd even go over there.  Most of the time, he was in a bad mood so I didn't even bother going over there, and after a while, there didn't seem much reason to talk to him on the phone either. 

    When his phone messages and emails starting including talk of suicide, I rolled my eyes at first, but each one got more and more serious.  I don't remember the exact words that compelled me to get involved, but I did ...

    IF I HAD IT TO DO OVER AGAIN, I WOULD HAVE JUST CALLED 911
    AND REPORTED THAT AYDAN HAD THREATENED SUICIDE AND
    LET THE PROFESSIONALS DEAL WITH IT.   


    I drove over to his house on a Sunday afternoon.  When I got there, Aydan came to the door looking awful.  His face was swollen like he had been in a fight, he had dark circles, and hadn't bathed or shaved in days.  He said he had passed out.

    We talked on the porch for a while until it got buggy.  He asked me inside.  His house stunk.  There were dirty dishes everywhere.  The garbage was full of beer cans and there was an empty liquor bottle on the table.  He offered me a beer, drank his and then drank "mine".  

    We talked in circles, as usual.  Every time I tried to get back to talking about him, he'd change the subject.  He seemed more and more uncomfortable.  He stared at the TV or off in space.  He glanced at the computer a few times, saying he had a "meeting" with someone on the internet ... (He claimed to be talking commodities) ...

    The conversation wasn't going anywhere and I could see he wasn't going to kill himself ... at least, that day ... so I got up and said, "I needed to be going". 

    He stopped me from leaving by asking, "What do you want from me?" 

    I said, "I just want some peace.  I can accept you not loving me anymore, but I wish you didn't hate me and the rest of your life so much." 

    That made him mad.  Peace?  How dare I ask for peace when I was abandoning him!  He wanted to hurt me so he said, "I just hate that you ruined my chances with the most beautiful woman in the world." (he was talking about an ex-stripper that he imagined to be interested in him ... he always threw her up in my face when he hoped to make me jealous). 

    I said, "Oh, for goodness sake.  I've had enough of this nonsense.  We are both better than this.  You never cared about that woman and she never cared about you.  You can try pushing whatever buttons you want to.  They aren't going to work anymore.  Take it back, Aydan."  He smirked and said something even more hateful and I got up and faced him like I would a child and said, "Take that back!"  That infuriated him.  He jumped up and tried to pick me up and throw me out of his house.  I had gotten pretty good at "spinning out of his grip" and I said, "I don't have my shoes or my keys!  I'm not leaving until you take that back!"

    Now, here's where I should have gotten my keys and shoes and left, but I still thought, at that moment, that we could talk it through, and at least, say good-bye in a nice way.  I was wrong.

    Aydan went into the other room.  I thought he left to chill out, get a beer, put on a shirt, or go to the bathroom ... but never did I imagine that he went in the other room to load a shotgun!!!  My heart sank when I heard the sound of a shotgun being pumped in the kitchen.  He came around the corner with the gun and my first thought was, "Well, I believe I have just lost this argument!"

    I was afraid to look up at him, afraid to confront him ... I did say, "Aw Aydan, put the gun away ..."  He was hollering and waving it around.  He showed me the gun, the chamber, the red shell, and through his spitting and red-faced screaming, he said first, that he was going to kill himself, second, that he was going to kill me and then himself, and finally that he was going to make me take him to Joey's house (my ex-husband and the man he imagined to be the source of our relationship problems) and kill him and then kill me.  I looked down and watched his movements from the corner of my eye, but when he said he wanted me to take him to Joey, I looked up. 

    The fact that I hadn't looked up when he threatened himself and me, but I looked up when he threatened Joey made him go NUTS!  He flew across the room and turned the barrel of the gun sideways against my throat.  Aydan was using the gun to push me against the back of the couch and the wall.  The gun was choking me so I put my hands up to push the barrel away.  Aydan almost smiled and said as calmly as that guy in "Natural Born Killers", "Careful, Darlin', your hand is close to the trigger and I wouldn't want you to shoot up my house or kill a neighbor!"  He seemed so calm and so evil, I started to cry.  I was sure, at that moment, that he was going to kill me.

     

    "DID I JUST BRING A GUN IN THIS ROOM?"

    I whispered, "yes".

    "ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE ME TO JOEY?"

    I whispered, "no". 

    (He held the gun to my throat with his right hand and punched me on the side of my head with his left fist.)

    "DID I JUST HIT YOU?"

    I whispered, "yes".

    "DO YOU WANT MORE OF THIS?"

    I whispered, "no".

    "IS THIS WHAT LOVE IS?"

    I said louder and more firmly, "No Sir, It is NOT!"



    I started to cry again.  I figured if I was going to die anyway, I may as well be talking to the One I'd be seeing next!  I started to pray out loud:


    "Lord, I just ask you to surround us with a legion of angels and protect us both.  I ask you to cover this house and everything in it with the blood of Jesus.  Please send your Holy Spirit to calm the angry storm ..." 


    I thought about my kids, my grandkids, my mom and dad, my brothers and sisters and ... and I thought about Joey.  If I was going to die anyway, NO WAY was I going to help Aydan kill anyone else!

    Everything started to move in .. V-E-R-Y .. S-L-O-W .. M-O-T-I-O-N .. 
    Aydan backed up a little bit, but he kept hollering.  I don't know what he said.  I was too scared.  I was thinking about my kids and wondering what would happen to them.  What would they tell my grandchildren? 

    Aydan was still waving the gun around and when the point of it seemed to be pointing at me I put my arm up and pushed it to the left or the right.  My arms were like lead. 

    Every time I peeked at Aydan, his face was red (almost purple) with anger ... his eyes were bugged out and he was spitting all over the place when he hollered.

    One of the times I put my arm up to push the gun to the side, he grabbed my arm and pulled me up hard.  He screamed, "GET OUT."  I couldn't move!  I was afraid that if I turned my back on him, he would shoot me, because all the other times, he only hit me or pushed me when I turned my back on him. 

    I kept looking down.  I saw my shoes ... My keys were on the table. 

    From the moment he walked into the room with a gun, screaming and spitting all over the place, I got it.  There is really no doubt when you are being threatened like that!  Before that, I had bought into all the lies ... the lie that he couldn't help himself and I needed to understand ... the lie that I could make things better ... the lie that it was MY JOB to stop him from killing himself ... a thousand things passed through my mind until the one defining thought:
       

    WAKE UP, TAYLOR, WAKE UP!  DO YOU DESERVE TO DIE ... BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO DIE, IF YOU DON'T GET AWAY RIGHT NOW!  WAKE UP!!!   


    I woke up!  It was like I was seeing Aydan for the first time.  Of course, I saw his anger.  It was all over the place! 

    Maybe, I could run?  

    Maybe it was my prayer? 

    Maybe, Aydan didn't really think he'd get away with killing me? 

    Maybe, for no other reason than even the worst storms end, he suddenly got quiet, backed off and emptied the shell or shells to the floor. 

    I thought the gun held five shells but I didn't know how many shells were in the gun or how many fell.  My ears were ringing.  I think I counted to five ... not five shells ... just to five ... and when I got to five, I slid my feet into my shoes, grabbed my keys and I ran! 

    I ran for my life!



    There are some endings, so horrible, that they change us.

    They change the way we live the rest of our lives
    and
    They change the way we look at the world
    And everyone in it.

    For me, that day wasn't an ending at all
    It was the BEGINNING ...

    (to be continued)      

      

    17:18 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Health and wellness
    8月20日

    Abuse Happens



    Some of you, who have known me for a while, know that I was once a victim of domestic violence.  I have written about my healing in hopes that it would plant the seeds of healing elsewhere too.

    Lately, I have noticed that people are getting meaner.  I have heard people talk about squabbles on on-line, but it happens in real life too.  I have stood behind people in lines and listened to them aggressively berate a clerk for something they were unhappy about.  I have been in a restaurant when someone at a table next to me hollered at a waitress.  I have fielded a few customer service calls where the person on the other line didn't want a solution as much as they wanted to have someone to cuss out.  I have overheard the way people talk to each other and I have wondered how it ever got this bad and what would it take to change it?

    I would be hard pressed to find one single person who would ever say that child abuse or murder were okay, but I can find 100 who think that their abusive behavior on the telephone, on-line or in the workplace is completely justified!  There is no difference!  If your behavior creates one more victim ... you are not a part of the solution.  You are a part of the problem!
    Abuse Happens.

    Not to you, you say?  You are going to get them before they get you, you say?  Well, you're not alone.  It appears a lot of people are out to get somebody before somebody gets them!
     
    But it has gotten some of us.  There are a lot of goofy ideas floating around about victims of abuse ...

     
    MYTHS ABOUT VICTIMS:
    • She must have asked for it.
    • She must have provoked him.
    • She deserved it.
    • She must like it or she would leave.
    • She is just exaggerating to get attention.
    • She must be lying.  Their partner is such a nice guy.
    • She said she just fell.
    • People like that are always getting into fights.
    • That sort of thing would never happen in my neighborhood.
    • That sort of thing would never happen to anyone in my family.
    • That sort of thing would never happen to me.
    • I'm too smart to fall into that trap.

    I could say a great big loud ...
    "OH REALLY?"
    ...     because the truth is that anyone can be abused.      No one wants to believe that anyone would purposely hurt them, so victims make excuses, downplay the mean comments ... or even pretend nothing is wrong ... But if the abuse continues, their self-esteem suffers, they lose their confidence, they might overcompensate ... going way out of their way to pacify the abuser, they might try to fight back, or they might even try to get away ...

    If you think you can spot a victim from a mile away, you might be surprised!  Victims are tall, short, skinny, fat, old, young, rich, poor, educated, illiterate, blue collar, white collar ... and no matter where they come from and what their story is, they DO NOT DESERVE what's happening to them.

    If you are the victim, you might need time to think.  You are where you are.  Take a deep breath.  Consider your feelings.  Think things through.  It might be helpful to know that there are myths about abusers too ...


    WHY DOES HE DO THAT?
    INSIDE THE MINDS of ANGRY and CONTROLLING MEN
                                        by Lundy Bancroft

    The abuser creates confusion because he has to.  He can't control and intimidate you, he can't recruit people around him to take his side, he can't keep escaping the consequences of his actions, unless he can throw everyone off track.  When the world catches on to the abuser, his power begins to melt away.

    In one important way, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in the wrong direction, distracting your attention so that you won't notice where the real action is.  He draws you into focusing on the turbulent world of his feelings to keep your eyes turned away from the true cause of his abusiveness, which lies in how he THINKS.  He leads you into a convoluted maze, making your relationship with him a labyrinth of twists and turns.  He wants you to puzzle over him, to try to figure him out, as though he were a wonderful but broken machine for which you need only to find and fix the malfunctioning parts to bring it roaring to its full potential.  His desire, though he may not admit it even to himself, is that you wrack your brain in this way so that you won't even notice the patterns and logic of his behavior, the consciousness behind the craziness.  

    Above all, the abusive man wants to avoid having you zero in on his abusiveness itself.  So he tries to fill your head up with excuses and distortions and keep you weighed down with self-doubt and self-blame.   

    The mythology about abusive men that runs through modern culture has been created largely by the abusers themselves.  Abusive men concoct explanations for their actions which they give to their partners, therapists, clergymen, relatives, and social researchers.  But it is a serious error to allow abusers to analyze and account for their own problems.  Would we ask an active alcoholic to tell us why he or she drinks, and then accept the explanation unquestioningly?  When we hear excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that - excuses.  So why should we let angry and controlling men be the authority on partner abuse?  Our first task, therefore, is to remove the abusive man's smoke and mirrors, and then set about watching carefully to see what he is really doing.

    MYTHS ABOUT ABUSERS  (his excuses) 

    • His previous partner hurt him.
    • He abuses those he loves most.
    • He holds in his feelings too much.
    • He has an aggressive personality.
    • He loses control.
    • He is too angry.
    • He is mentally ill.
    • He hates women.
    • He is afraid of intimacy and abandonment.
    • He has low self-esteem.
    • His boss mistreats him.
    • He has poor skills in communication and conflict resolution.
    • There are as many abusive women as abusive men.
    • His abusiveness is as bad for him as his partner.
    • He is a victim of racism.
    • He abuses alcohol or drugs.  

    The abuser's mood changes are especially perplexing.  He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to hour.  At times he is aggressive and intimidating, his tone harsh, insults spewing from his mouth, ridicule dripping from him like the oil from a drum.  When he is in this mode, NOTHING his partner says seems to have any impact on him, except to make him even angrier.  Her side of the argument counts for nothing in his eyes, and everything is her fault.  He twists her words around so that she always ends up on the defensive.  She will find herself feeling like she just can't seem to do anything right.  

    When he is mad at you, does he react by throwing things, punching doors, or kicking the cat?  Does he use violent gestures such as gnashing teeth, ripping at his clothes, or swinging his arms around in the air to show his rage?  Have you been frightened when he does those things?  

    Is he willing to take responsibility for those behaviors and agree to stop them, or does he justify them angrily?  

    Can he hear you when you say that those bad behaviors frighten you, or does he throw the subject back on you, saying that you cause his behaviors, so it's your own problem if you're scared?  

    Does he attempt to use his scary behaviors as bargaining chips, such as saying that he won't punch walls if you are willing to stop going out with your friends?

    Does he deny that he even engaged in the scary behaviors, such as claiming that a broken door was caused by somebody else or that you are making up or exaggerating what happened?  

    Does he ever make veiled threats, such as "You don't want to see me mad," or "you don't know who you are messing with"?  

    Is he severely verbally abusive?  Research studies indicate that the BEST behavioral predictor of which men will become violent to their partners is THEIR LEVEL OF VERBAL ABUSE.


     

    REALITIES ABOUT ABUSERS  (the TRUTH)
    • He is controlling.
    • He feels entitled.
    • He twists things into their opposites.
    • He disrespects his partner and considers himself superior to her.
    • He confuses love and abuse.
    • He is manipulative.
    • He strives to have a good public image.
    • He feels justified.
    • Abusers deny and minimize their abuse.
    • Abusers are possessive.  

    The symptoms of abuse are there, and the victim usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs.  Early generosity turning more and more to selfishness.  Verbal explosions when he is irritated or when he doesn't get his way.  His grievances constantly turned around on her, so that everything is her own fault.  His growing attitude that he knows what is good for her better than she does.  And, in many relationships, a mounting sense of fear or intimidation.  But the woman also sees that her partner is a human being who can be caring and affectionate at times, and she loves him.  She wants to figure out why he gets so upset, so that she can help him break the patterns of ups and downs. 

    Victims don't really need an "expert" on abuse to explain their life to them; what they do need above all is some support and encouragement to hold on to their own truth.  The abuser wants to deny their victim that experience.  He wants to pluck her view of reality out of her head and replace it with his reality.  When someone has invaded the victim's identity in this way enough times, the victim naturally starts to lose her balance.  But they can find their way back to center.  


    Mr. Lundy's book has so much good information.  Even now, I find myself reading different parts of it.  These aren't just lists ... they are warning signs ... things to look for. 

    If you are living this life, things are pretty bad ... and as scary as it might be to think about, things could even get worse. 

    Please take care of you. 






    By the way ... I write with the abuser being male and the victim being female because my abuser was a man and I am a woman but I recognize that women abuse men, men abuse other men and women abuse other women and both sexes have abused children ... Abuse of any kind is wrong. 
    I do not know your individual story or the challenges you face, but I do know that all victims carry deep hurts ... and I still believe with all my heart that victims can survive and heal and grow past that place, one day at a time ...
    I am not a professional counselor and nothing here can take the place of a skilled therapist. 
    No one has ever been EXACTLY where you are but plenty of us have been close enough to care and understand.  You are not alone.
    If you have never thought much about abuse because it has never happened to you, I am asking you to consider the possibility that there are people who are being abused and a kind word from you might make all the difference.  Please don't add to their pain.  Be kind.  A little compassion goes a long way. 

      

    16:15 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Health and wellness
    8月18日

    Thank You For Your Time



    A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.

    It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man.  College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way.  In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams.  There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son.  He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.
     
    Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night.  The funeral is Wednesday."  Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.
     
    "Jack, did you hear me?"
     
    "Oh, sorry, Mom.  Yes, I heard you.  It's been so long since I thought of him.  I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.
     
    "Well, he didn't forget you.  Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing.  He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.
     
    "I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.
     
    "You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said.
     
    "He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him.  He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important ... Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.
     
    As busy as he was, he kept his word.  Jack caught the next flight to his hometown.  Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful.  He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.  The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.  Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment.  It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time. The house was exactly as he remembered.  Every step held memories.  Every picture, every piece of furniture ... Jack stopped suddenly.
     
    "What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.
     
    "The box is gone," he said
     
    "What box?" Mom asked.
     
    "There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk.  I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside.  All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,' Jack said.  It was gone.  Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box.  He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.  "Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep.  I have an early flight home, Mom."
     
    It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died.  Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox.  "Signature required" on a package.  No one at home.  Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.  Early the next day, Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read.

    Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package.  There inside was the  gold box and an envelope.  Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside. "Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett.  It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter.  His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box.  There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.



    Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover.  Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser."
     
    "The thing he valued most was ... my time" Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days.
     
    "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.
     
    "I need some time to spend with my son," he said.
     
    "Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!"
     


    Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.
     



    Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
    1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you. 
    2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 
    3. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 
    4. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
    5. You mean the world to someone.
    6. If not for you, someone may not be living. 
    7. You are special and unique. 
    8. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better. 
    9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.
    10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
    11. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
    12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
    13. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy .
    14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.




    Thank you for your time ...



     

    2:05 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Health and wellness
    8月17日

    Coming To A City Near You?





    STEP INTO YOUR SKIN
              ~ David Wilcox

    Take your situation, all your circumstances,
    Put it on you like its made to fit you right
    Take your friends and family, take the miles around you
    Take the time that's left and step inside your life
    Slip it like a glove around you
    Don't you miss this love that's found you
    Look at all that's real

    Climb in , wear it a like a suit around your heart
    You've been thinking you could not be where you are
    Every morning don't be thinking where you might have been
    Every morning, shake it out and step into your skin

    There is no mistaking, this is where you've got to
    Here's the life that you have dragged around so far
    Cause you could stretch it out and make it fit you better
    If you put it on and start with where you are
    Don't be halfway out and dreaming
    Don't be lost in doubt and scheming
    Look at all that's real

    Climb in , wear it a like a suit around your heart
    You've been thinking you could not be where you are
    Every morning don't be thinking where you might have been
    Every morning, shake it out and step into your skin





    HOLD IT UP TO THE LIGHT
              ~ David Wilcox

    It's the choice of a lifetime - I'm almost sure
    I will not live my life in between anymore
    If I can't be certain of all that's in store
    This far it feels so right
    I will hold it up - hold it up to the light,
    Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

    The search for my future has brought me here
    This is more than I'd hoped for, but sometimes I fear
    That the choice I was made for will someday appear
    And I'll be too late for that flight
    So hold it up - hold it up to the light,
    Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

    It's too late - to be stopped at the crossroads
    Each life here - a possible way
    But wait - and they all will be lost roads
    Each road's getting shorter the longer I stay

    Now as soon as I'm moving - my choice is good
    This way comes through right where I prayed that it would
    If I keep my eyes open and look where I should
    Somehow all of the signs are in sight
    If I hold it up to the light

    I said God, will you bless this decision?
    I'm scared, Is my life at stake?
    But I see if you gave me a vision
    Would I never have reason to use my faith?

    I was dead with deciding - afraid to choose
    I was mourning the loss of the choices I'd lose
    But there's no choice at all if I don't make my move
    And trust that the timing is right
    Yes and hold it up hold it up to the light
    Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light





    David Wilcox will be performing in these cities over the next few weeks!

    Saturday August 18, 2007 - Hendersonville NC
    Blue Ridge Performing Arts Center
    538 North Main St
    Hendersonville NC
    828-693-0087
    http://www.blueridgepac.com
    2 shows  -   4PM and 7PM

    Sunday August 19, 2007 - Atlanta GA
    Variety Playhouse
    1099 Euclid Ave NE
    Atlanta GA 30307
    404-249-6400
    http://www.variety-playhouse.com

    Wednesday August 22, 2007  - Birmingham AL
    WorkPlay
    500 23rd Street South
    Birmingham AL  35233
    205-380-4082
    http://www.workplay.com

    Friday August 24, 2007  -  Salt Lake City UT
    Holladay UCC
    2631 E Murray Holladay Rd
    Salt Lake City UT 84117
    http://www.holladayucc.org     
    801-277-2631
    Tell a friend about this show:
    http://whatarerecords.com/david_wilcox/vista/0824.html

    Saturday August 25, 2007  -  Boulder CO
    Chautauqua
    900 Baseline Rd
    Boulder CO 80302
    303-442-3282
    http://www.chautauqua.com/programming_music.htm
    http://www.nipp.com/show/detail/4566
    Tell a friend about this show:  http://whatarerecords.com/david_wilcox/vista/0825.html

    Sunday August 26, 2007  -  Paonia CO
    Paradise Theater
    215 Grand Ave
    Paonia CO 81428
    970-527-6610
    http://www.paradiseofpaonia.com

    Tuesday August 28, 2007  -  Colorado Springs CO
    Studio Bee - Pikes Peak Center
    190 S Cascade Ave
    Colorado Springs CO 80903
    719-477-2100
    http://www.pikespeakcenter.com


    Wednesday August 29, 2007 - Phoenix AZ
    The Rhythm Room
    1019 E Indian School Rd
    Phoenix AZ 85014
    602-265-4842
    http://www.rhythmroom.com

    Thursday August 30, 2007  - Tucson AZ
    Old Town Artisans
    201 N Court
    Tucson AZ 85701
    800-594-8499
    http://www.rhythmandroots.org 
    (show will be added to their site by 7/23 - it is not currently listed there)

    Wednesday September 26, 2007 - Seattle WA
    The Triple Door
    216 Union St
    Seattle WA 98101
    206-838-4333
    http://www.tripledoor.com

    Thursday September 27, 2007 - Portland OR
    The Aladdin Theater
    3017 SE Milwaukie Ave
    Portland OR 97202
    503-233-1994
    http://www.aladdin-theater.com

    Friday September 28, 2007  -  Spokane WA
    The Bing Crosby Theater/The Met
    901 W Sprague
    Spokane WA 99204
    509-227-7638
    http://www.themettheater.com
    http://www.squarepegconcerts.com

     
    0:56 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Music
    8月15日

    Trying On Shoes




    Someone will always be prettier.
    Someone will always be smarter.
    Someone will have a better career.
    Someone's houses will always be bigger.
    Someone will drive a better car.



    Her husband might fix more things around the house
    or spend more time with his family.
    His wife might be a better household manager,
    decorator or cook.
    Their children might do better in school.



    Just let those things go.
    In 100 years, none of that will matter
    So does it really matter now? 
    Love YOU and your circumstances.
    Think about it!



    The handsomest man in the world might have hell in his heart.
    The most highly favored woman on your job
    might not be able to have children.
    The richest person you know with all those beautiful things
    might be the loneliest.



    The jerk who cut you off in traffic last night,
    might be a single mother who worked nine hours that day
    and is rushing home to cook dinner,
    help with homework, do the laundry just so she can
    spend a few precious moments with her children. 



    The pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man
    who can't make change correctly,
    might be a worried 19-year-old college student,
    balancing his apprehension over final exams
    with his fear of not getting his student loan.
     


    The scary looking bum,
    begging for money in the same spot every day
    (who really ought to get a job!)
    might be a slave to addictions that we can only imagine
    in our worst nightmares.

     

    The old couple walking annoyingly slow
    through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress,
    might be savoring this moment, knowing that,
    based on the biopsy report she got back last week,
    this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

     
    If we don't have LOVE, we don't have anything.
    Love who YOU are!
    Count your blessings.
    Look in the mirror in the morning, smile and say,
    "I am too blessed to be stressed!"
     


    Of all the gifts God gave us, the greatest gift is love.
    We can open our hearts to patience, empathy and mercy.
    It's so easy to judge people by what we see,
    but what if we knew their whole story?
    Everybody is struggling with something.



    To the world you might be just one person,
    but to that one person you meet today
    that was hoping for "a sign",
    your smile, your kind word, your consideration
    will mean the world.





     
    18:18 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Entertainment
    8月14日

    You Think You Know But Do You Really?



    I couldn't help but laugh at the situation this song describes so well.
    You think you know the person you are talking to,
    But do you really?



    ONLINE
                             Brad Paisley

    I work down at the pizza pit
    And I drive and old Hundai
    I still live with my mom and dad
    I 5'3 and overweight

    I'm a Sci-fi fantatic
    Mild asthmatic
    Never been to 2nd base
    But there's a whole nother me
    That you need to see
    Go check out MySpace

    Cause online I'm down in Hollywood
    I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
    I drive a Mazarati
    I'm a black belt in Karate
    And I love a good glass of wine

    It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
    I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
    Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
    Chattin with two women at one time

    I'm so much cooler online
    So much cooler online

    I get home, I kiss my mom
    And she fixes me a snack
    I head down to my basement bedroom
    And fire up the mac

    In real life, the only time I
    Ever even been to LA
    Was when I got the chance with the marching band
    To play tuba in the Rose Parade.

    Online I live in Malibu
    I posed for Calvin Kline, I've been in GQ
    I'm single and I'm rich
    And I got a set of six pack abs that'll blow your mind

    It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
    I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
    Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
    Chattin with two women at one time

    I'm so much cooler online
    Yeah I'm cooler online

    When you got my kinda stacks, it's hard to get a date
    Let alone a real girlfriend
    But I grow another foot
    And I lose a bunch of weight everytime I log in

    Online I'm out in Hollywood
    I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
    Even on a slow day, I can have a three way
    Chattin with two women at one time

    I'm so much cooler online
    Yeah I'm cooler online
    I'm so much cooler online
    Yeah I'm cooler online


         





    The Serious Side To A Funny Song:

    Everyone Needs To Read This And
    Have Children Read It Too!

    After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on. She sent him an instant message:

    ByAngel213:
    Hi. I'm glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!
    GoTo123:
    LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you?
    Don't you live in a safe neighborhood?
    ByAngel213:
    Of course I do. LOL I guess it was my imagination cuz' I didn't see anybody when I looked out. 
    GoTo123: 
    Unless you gave your name out on-line. You haven't done that have you?
    ByAngel213:  
    Of course not. I'm not stupid you know.
    GoTo123:  
    Did you have a softball game after school today?
    ByAngel213:  
    Yes and we won!!
    GoTo123:  
    That's great! Who did you play? 
    ByAngel213: 
    We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look like bees. LOL
    GoTo123:
    What is your team called? 
    ByAngel213: 
    We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are really cool.
    GoTo123:  
    Did you pitch? 
    ByAngel213:
    No I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before my parents get home. I don't want them mad at me. Bye!
    GoTo123:  
    Catch you later. Bye

    Meanwhile.......GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.

    Her name: Shannon
    Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985
    Age: 13
    State where she lived: North Carolina
    Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall. Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew she was in the eighth grade at the Canton Junior High School . She had told him all this in the conversations they had on- line. He had enough information to find her now.

    Shannon didn't tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ballpark that day. She didn't want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an only child. Maybe if she had brothers and sisters, her parents wouldn't be so overprotective.

    By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her.

    Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely.

    He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn't look scary and she quickly dismissed the sudden fear she had felt.

    After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him. He nodded and she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her.

    Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was only a few blocks to Shannon's home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car.

    Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon's house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move.

    Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room.

    "Shannon, come here," her father called. He sounded upset and she couldn't imagine why. She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa.

    "Sit down," her father began, "this man has just told us a most interesting story about you."

    Shannon sat back. How could he tell her parents anything? She had never seen him before today!

    "Do you know who I am, Shannon ?" the man asked.

    "No," Shannon answered.

    "I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123."

    Shannon was stunned. "That's impossible! GoTo is a kid my age! He's 14. And he lives in Michigan !"

    The man smiled. "I know I told you all that, but it wasn't true. You see, Shannon , there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to injure kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators. I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to talk to people on- line. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. You named the school you went to, the name of your ball team and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze."

    Shannon was stunned. "You mean you don't live in Michigan ?"

    He laughed. "No, I live in Raleigh . It made you feel safe to think I was so far away, didn't it?"

    She nodded.

    "I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn't as lucky. The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time on- line. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you've learned a lesson from this and won't do it again. Tell others about this so they will be safe too?"

    "It's a promise!"

    That night Shannon and her Dad and Mom all knelt down together and thanked God for protecting Shannon from what could have been a tragic situation.


    Please Forward This To People With Or Without Kids So They Can Send It To Friends That Do Have Children Or Grandchildren.

    BE SAFE OUT THERE.


    It can be humorous and quite harmless when adults fool other adults but it's criminal when adults prey on children ...


     
    19:17 | 添加评论 | 阅读评论 (1) | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Computers and Internet
    8月12日

    Cooling A Summer Day With Monet




    GARDEN MAGIC
                                          by MARIE NETTLETON CARROLL

    This is the garden's magic,
    That through the sunny hours
    The gardener who tends it,
    Himself outgrows his flowers.

    He grows by gift of patience,
    Since he who sows must know
    That only in the Lord's good time
    Does any seedling grow.



    He learns from buds unfolding,
    From each tight leaf unfurled,
    That his own heart, expanding,
    Is one with all the world.

    He bares his head to sunshine,
    His bending back a sign
    Of grace, and ev'ry shower becomes
    His sacramental wine.



    And when at last his labors
    Bring forth the very stuff
    And substance of all beauty
    This is reward enough.




    LAUGHTER
                                          by COURTNEY E. Cottam

    When a gauzy, purple butterfly,
    Softly tilts a golden flower,
    It's cool wings ease the summer flame
    As laughter sooths a troubled hour.
     




    Day's End
                                            by EDWIN W. PROCTOR

    The twilight comes to cool the. air,
    The shadows lengthen on the sod,
    Soft breezes blow the garden through,
    The leaves and blossoms sway and nod.

     

    On garden path, in sheltering hedge,
    In treetops dark and cloudless sky,
    The evening birds awake to life,
    To stir; to sing and upward fly.

      

    And flowers, warm with summer heat,
    Expand to greet the softened light
    And shed, to show their gratitude,
    A fragrance in the summer night.

    Now all is peace. From meadows near
    A cooling mist blows o'er the wall
    And strangely lonesome in the night
    There comes the thrush's silvery call.




     
    20:33 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Entertainment
    8月9日

    Growing Up With Giants


     
     
    Yesterday, I talked about my son.  Lately, Joey and I have both been thinking a lot about our folks.  Our Moms were both better than June Cleaver!  They were quiet homemakers and our BEST FRIENDS.  Our Dads were both hardworking family men, well known in their communities and most of the time, to the rest of us, they were BIGGER-THAN-LIFE!  Joey and I have been sharing our own "Dad Stories" and comparing notes on what it was like to have men like that as fathers.  We both loved the men our Fathers were.  They worked hard and they played hard too.  They stood for something when standing for something still mattered.

    Daisy reminded me of our Dads the other day when she posted these lines from the movie, SECOND HAND LIONS:
    Sometimes the things that may or may not be true
    are the things that a man needs     to believe in the most.
    That people are     basically good; 
    that honor ... courage and virtue mean everything; 
    that power and money, money and power mean nothing; 
    that good always triumphs over evil; 
    and I want you to remember this, 
    that love ...     true love never dies.  
    You remember that, boy.      You remember that.  
    Doesn't matter if it's     true or not. 
    You see,     a man should believe     in those things, 
    because ...     those are the things     worth believing in.
     
    I can't even remember a family gathering where someone didn't have a story they would tell on Joey's Daddy or mine, depending on which side of the family was gathering.  It's those stories Joey and I have been telling each other lately ...


    One Sunday after church, Joey's Aunts and Uncles and Cousins had all gathered at his Mom and Dad's for Sunday Dinner.  You know the kind ... with lots of fried chicken, corn on the cob, potato salad, coleslaw, baked beans, macaroni and cheese, a jello salad or two, and another table full of cookies, pies and cake.  The women were busy getting the tables set and the dinner ready, making last minute lemonade and maybe even getting things ready for home-made ice cream.

    The men were sitting out on the porch, still dressed in their Sunday suits, talking and laughing about the past week, telling tales and exchanging lies.  Joey's Daddy was a big guy.  He looked a lot like John Travolta does today, except that his Daddy was as country as a green bean and he had the Southern accent to prove it.  Joey's Uncle was a big Italian guy that lived in New York City until he joined the service.  Uncle Sam sent him South where he met and fell in love with Joey's Mom's Sister.  Even though the two men came from different backgrounds, they were dating sisters, and had both been in the service.  They had a lot in common from the very start.  What one didn't think of, the other one did.  Between the two of them, there was a lot of laughter before, during and after lunch.

    Maybe, it was Joey's sister's boyfriend driving up in his family's big black Cadillac (they owned a funeral home)?  Maybe, it was The Godfather Movie playing in town?  Maybe, it was just Joey's Daddy and Uncle saying, "Wouldn't it be funny if we ..."?

    No one can really remember how it happened but the boyfriend, Joey's Daddy and Uncle, all dressed in their Sunday suits, wearing hats and sun glasses got in the big black Cadillac and went to collect rent.

    Joey's Daddy rented two little houses side by side.  The people that rented were always on their way to somewhere else so they never stayed long.  Since he never really got to know them, it was always a chore to collect rent.  Joey's Daddy had a big heart so he'd listen to their excuses until it made him feel guilty and then, he'd remind himself that everyone has to pay their own way in life and he had to take care of his family too.  It was a struggle though.  Part of him wanted to help out but another part of him just wanted other people to do what they agreed to do without making him feel bad for expecting it.

    I can't even imagine what the renters thought when they saw a big stretched out Cadillac pull up into their yard!  Joey's Uncle jumped out and opened the door for Joey's Daddy.  They both adjusted their suits like two men bracing themselves for whatever they had to do.  Joey's Daddy lead the way and his Uncle walked slightly behind and to the side of him, looking like a bodyguard or a hit man, depending on what MOVIE they had just seen!

    They didn't even have to knock on the door.  The renters were already standing their with their eyes wide, looking at the big Cadillac, then to Joey's Uncle and back to Joey's Daddy.  His Daddy said, "I'm here to collect the rent.  You're more than a week late and I need to get the money."

    The renters started to mumble and make excuses.  Joey's Uncle knew how much his Daddy hated those excuses so after about five minutes, he adjusted his suit, unbutton his jacket and said with his Authentic New York Italian accent, "Mr. C, we are not going to have a problem here, are we?"  He sounded like a REAL MOB guy!  He looked like one and there he was, sounding like one!
     
    The renters scrambled!  They went through Mama's purse, pants pockets, the family Bible and even looked under the sofa cushions and broke out the Coffee Can Bank to come up with every bit of the rent money RIGHT THERE AND RIGHT THEN!

    Mr. C thanked them, nodded at Joey's Uncle and turned around, trying not to laugh as he walked back to the car.  Joey's Uncle was already holding the door for him.  They got in the car and drove to the next house, doing much the same thing.  This time, it was even harder for them not to laugh, but they managed to hold it in until they got out of sight of the two houses.

    It is funny to imagine what those poor renters must have thought.  It's also funny that two Southern Baptists still dressed in church clothes could manage to look like mobsters, or that they would have even tried to!

    Joey's Daddy passed away over 20 years ago but stories of the life he lived have become legends that will probably outlive us.  We lose more men from that generation every year and it's really too bad.  The world felt safer when those men were in charge.


     
    13:55 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Entertainment
    8月8日

    Growing Up ADHD





    My Son's Beautiful Family     


    My son is grown and teaching high school now but there were days when ADHD didn't even begin to describe ...


    Back then, we debated constantly about whether to medicate or not medicate.  The Doctor said it would help him focus and my son argued that it hampered his creativity and that he wouldn't take it anyway.  After 30 frustrating minutes, I said, "How about this?  Forget giving him medicine for now.  Give me something!"


    One of my son's school counselors told me once during one of our many meetings at the principal's office ... that my son was O-D-D (oppositional defiant disorder), but I thought he was just spelling the word ODD.
    I looked at him and then my son and said, "It's  okay.  You can say the word,  He knows how to spell."


    We were at the Statehouse once when my son was 11 years old.  My girls and I were headed toward a lemonade stand when we realized that he had disappeared.  We all looked around and were getting ready to search our assigned quadrants ... Yeah, we had search and rescue down to a science ... when we heard his voice coming from somewhere above us!  In less time than it took to notice that he had disappeared, he had climbed the "General I have a 20 foot horse" statue and was waving from the top of the horses neck ... standing, of course!
    It took three maintenance guys, a "fork lift bucket thing" and 30 minutes to get him down and even then, my son tried to negotiate a ride on the "bucket thing" before he would come down willingly!


    When he was a teenager, he was roller-blading on a country highway with a friend.  A Ford F-150 came up fast behind them.  My son's friend skated to the right and my son decided to skate to the left.  The teenage driver in the Ford F-150 decided to speed up and go around them!  He hit my son doing about 50, flipped him into the air and threw him about 100 feet where he landed on his head in a cement culvert.
    I got a call from the ambulance as it was taking him to the hospital.  They said he had been hit by a "car".  He was conscious but his injuries were serious enough that they were taking him to General (the bigger hospital in our town).  I left work and got to the Emergency Room shortly after he had gotten there.  I heard him way before I saw him.
    It was classic.  He was telling jokes and entertaining the nurses and technicians.  When I walked into the room, he asked me if I had brought his girlfriend.  He wasn't asking for his current girlfriend but the previous one.  He also didn't know what day it was or how he had ended up in the hospital ... other then cuts and scrapes, Drs had checked everything else and he was okay except that he couldn't remember the last few days and was a little fuzzy on things before then but over the next few weeks, a lot of his memory started to clear.
    As spectacular as that sounds, he really wasn't too badly hurt.  After-all, he landed on that hard head of his!  In fact, his grades actually improved!  I sometimes tease him and say that if I had known his grades would improve like that, I would have hit him with a truck sooner!




    My Son



    LOL ... Our family has a MILLION of those stories!  You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...


    1.  A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

    2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

    3.  A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

    4.  If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.

    5.  You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    6.  The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

    7.  When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

    8.  Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

    9.  A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

    10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

    11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

    12. Super glue is forever.

    13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

    14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

    15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

    16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.  Pushing your sister off the shed roof while she is holding an umbrella will not make her fly like Mary Poppins.

    17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

    18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

    19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

    20. The fire department in our area
     has a 5-minute response time.

    21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

    23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

    24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

    25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

    This, by the way is not my list, but most of it could have been!  I love my son, but I am so glad he has his own home now!  I believe he came into my life to teach me the meaning of tough love, the need for unconditional love and universal understanding and the ability to laugh at ourselves.  He often looked as shocked as I did when we surveyed the effects of his causes.

    We would ask him why and he would always have an answer that sounded real good but completely defied all reasonable logic.  He had so many "brilliant ideas" but he never finished them all the way to considering consequences.  Somehow, we all survived those faulty consequences!  We even laugh at them now. 

    I smile to think of him teaching a new room of teenagers every 45 minutes ... I can hear him saying, "Don't even think about getting by with stuff in my class.  There isn't one thing you can dream up that I haven't already thought about or done twice.  Be straight with me and I'll be fair.  Lie and I'll know it before you finish telling the lie."  When he recited his speech to us one night, I smiled and thought, "So THIS is why he went through so much stuff as a teenager ... so he could use all those goofy situations to be a better teacher!" 

    I have heard he's a good teacher.  The kids think he's funny.  He gets excited about new projects he has planned and he loves for the kids to debate their own scientific theories.  I visited his room once.  The walls were covered with cool star charts and motivational posters.  He had cages and aquariums and jars full of all sorts of critters that had nothing to do with his science curriculum.  He said he likes having things that will start the conversation in the general direction of science.  He said he likes to make the kids ask, "Why?".

    No wonder the kids like him!  I wouldn't mind having him for a teacher too!


    He and His Wife Can Cook Too!




     
     

    14:19 | 添加评论 | 阅读评论 (1) | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Health and wellness
    8月7日

    Another Day - Another Dollar



    It's only Tuesday but it feels like Monday all over again!  I work in sales and customer service and during this time of year, I have to remind myself that people are HOT and CRABBY everywhere.  It's not always easy to stay cool myself, but a little bit of humor goes a long way.  I got this 3-Minute Management email and had to pass along the smiles to you.

    I hope you are having a WONDERFUL week!  Stay COOOOOOL !!! 

     

    The 3 Minute Management Course


    Lesson 1:
    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.  The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.  When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.  Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you 500-dollars to drop that towel."  After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.  After a few seconds, Bob hands her 500-dollars and leaves.
    The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.  When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 
    "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the 500-dollars he owes me?"
    Moral of the story:
    If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


    Lesson 2:
    A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.  The priest nearly had an accident.  After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
    The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"  The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
    The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"  The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
    Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.  On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.  It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
    Moral of the story:
    If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


    Lesson 3:
    A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
    The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
    "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk.  "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
    Puff!  She's gone.
    "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
    Puff! He's gone.
    "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
    The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
    Moral of the story:
    Always let your boss have the first say.


    Lesson 4:
    An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
    The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
    So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
    All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
    Moral of the story:
    To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up !!!!!!!!!!!!


    Lesson 5:
    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
    "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.  "They're packed with nutrients."
    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
    The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
    Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
    Moral of the story:
    Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


    Lesson 6:
    A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
    While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
    As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
    He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
    Moral of the story: 
    1.   Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy. 
    2.   Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend. 
    3.   And when you're in deep crap, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


    This ends the 3-minute management course!



     
    21:39 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Entertainment
    8月6日

    TOO HOT To Think !!!



    August is SO HOT
    Even hotter than July
    It takes all my strength
    To just get through
    one more HOT, HOT, HOT day.
     
    I had a million things
    I wanted to tell you ...
    clever things to say
    But I can't think of
         a
                            single
                                   thing
                                            now ...

    It's just too HOT.
    I think my brain is melting.
    I can't think.
    I want to go take a nap
    in front of the fan ...
     
    and eat ice cream ...
     
    No!
    I want to BE ice cream
    and sit in the freezer
    until my teeth chatter
    from the cold.

     
     
     
    20:34 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Entertainment
    8月5日

    Turban Lillies and Black Swallowtails






    There are majestic views all along the Blue Ridge Parkway
    but there are smaller views too ...



    How can I pass by butterflies and blooms ...



    without a moment to pause and wonder



    Will wonders never cease?




     
    13:29 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Hobbies
    8月4日

    Blue Ridge Paradise




































    Pictures From Our Day
    On The Blue Ridge Parkway


     
    23:56 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志 | Hobbies